Sunday, February 13, 2005

Only One Travis Tea

I just heard that someone got on Amazon.com and put up a lot of insulting "reviews" of writer's books. Using my name!!! I just wanted to ensure all my fans that it wasn't me bashing them. I know how terrible is it to have to read some ignorant jerk saying bad things about your book. Someone once even called part of mine "nonsensical"!! He was just jealous, of course -- nothing I write is nonsensical. And now, someone is trying to discredit me by pretending to be myself. But that just an imposter. There is only one Travis Tea! Accept no substitutes.

Writing "Atlanta Nights" has changed my life, and from the many postcards I get, it has. The clear explanation for it's success is the ontological metamorphosis of modern day existence portrayed in an antediluvian aspect of phenomenological phlebotomy. I was Aristotle who said ,"Gew├╝rztraminer Doppel Gift nicht lichen ubersetz." I took this as epistemological evidence of a choreographed heliosymmetry -- a nearly petrous montage of ecbolic premeditation, and, in the character of Yvonne, I tried to portray febrilly a moiety of the simian odontogeny of the effete manumission with ideovascular implications for 21 century stereoisomers. Further, her inuspeptic relationship with Bruce is a metaphor for the postpartum resolution of deconstructed tachylogia that has beleaguered hydrogymnastic existence at a Precambrian level and isolated the phospoaminolipidly aspect of occipitalanterior dialectics in the abalienated rubric of deoxygenated sex.

Simple, I know, but that is the reason for "Atlanta Night's" success.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

People want to know

if writing Atlanta Nights was hard. It is a good question. Writing Atlanta Nights was not as simple as just stitting down and carving the words on paper. Even if I had had paper which I didn't because I used a computer monitor it would not have been that simple. The book had to be 100% FACTUALLYACCURATE if it was to blow the lid off the seamy underbelly of the cross-section of society i wanted to rip the lid off and and that meant performing in-depth reseach of the bazaar behavior of Atlanta's upper Crust. that meant literally hours of interviews with the people who know them, from their doormen to their cleaning ladies to the people who walk their dogs, and sometimes even the people themselves. i can tell you that the shocking behavior immortalized in the book doesn't even begin to varnish the surface of what I saw with my own two eyes and sometimes with even more. I saw rainy days and thrown golf clubs and nasty spats in night clubs. Sometimes my investigational actions were dangerous. i was threttened and i was hunted. at one point i was ejected from a country club wedding just for asking questions of the bride during the ceremony. Some people would have been discouraged and just written some stopid science fiction or something but a dedicated novelist knows that means he's on the 'write'tract,ha ha. These people all have something to hide but they can't hide from the truth, or from me when I'm writing the truth, which they want to sweep under the rug with a ten foot pool. These are sick people, they are demented people,and they are corrupt people who think they can dictate to the rest of us with their approved guest lists and their hoyty toyty restraining orders. They must beexposed for what they are which is S - N - O - B - S with a capital S, or actually two since theres one of each end of the word. A great writers job is to tell the unpolished FACTS of the situation no matter where the Mewes leads them and in doing my research that was the primary fact I kept in mind, along with the number one priority of any great racketeer which was telling a powerful thrilling sexy story which would keep my vast audience of future faithful readers turning the pages long after they got to the end of the book. I dont deny that I made some stuff up in the prociss but I can tell you that everything I said or did or wrote about rrepresents the way these people really are, and that I had to keep moving around during the more than one week it took to write it to make sure that they didn't use their influence against me. Now that the book is out and gaining nationwide attention all over the country (this one), I know that they will just deny this and paint me as a crank who doesn't know what he's talking about. But they know that they have already lost. ATLANTA NIGHTS exposes them for what they are and even as I type these words including this one, here, it is approaching one hundred million sales one book at a timeand they're days of living in silence are numbered just like its very pages.Theyhave lost and as god is my witness I will not go Hungary again.

Friday, February 11, 2005

The Travisty of Travis Tea

(or who the heck is he/she?)

A simple, unknown, fumble fingered and illiterate writer, Travis Tea awoke one morning to find himself (or is that herself), through the miracle of modern science, genetically infused with the brain cells of the world's most famous and infamous science fiction and fantasy authors.

With so much talent coursing through his veins, and sometimes cursing, there was little left to do but sit down in front of the keyboard and let his, uh her, clumsy fingers do the walking. Thus, after much sweat, and a great deal of arguing between the authors who now vied for dominance in his/her head, the unrivaled jewel of literature that is Atlanta Nights was born.

Travis Tea became an author of unequaled fame.

An author that wished to share his/her hard won knowledge with other hopefuls.

There was one unfortunate side effect to this unexpected gift of the muses--the identity of Travis Tea is indeterminate, as his, uh her, appearance and gender can change at any moment.

And so, this blogsite was created, both to educate fledgling and wannabee writers, and in the hope that someone, somewhere, might recognize Travis Tea from the many photos that will be posted here--one for each persona.